The excitement is at its peak: the carrier has just given you a delivery date!
Months of searching, weeks of waiting, the long-awaited miss love doll has arrived. In 2024, ordering a custom-made doll is a bit like set and forget.
Now a modern Zen monk, tired from a hard day's work and obsessed with the big parcel, you rush to it.
The next day, you see the tragedy.
In this article, we'll talk about mistakes we've all made one day when you received your first doll. The goal? To avoid them.
It's also an opportunity to dismantle a few preconceived ideas that I hope will help you make a better choice.
Error #1 Believing that if it's expensive it's solid
Alas, if this were true, we'd know. A love doll is a bit like a car, from the most entry-level brands to the biggest sedans, all of which start up in the morning and go for a certain number of kilometers, which vary according to series and use.
The difference in price is often due to the finishes and materials used. You've got to admit that a leather steering wheel is more expensive than plastic. Nevertheless, it's a functional steering wheel.
A silicone or TPE doll is a fragile item that need to be handled with all the care our little plastic masterpiece deserve! Key points to watch out for:
- preserve the skeleton by exercising reasonable levers, such as the series of videos below, in which movements are decomposed and deliberately dehumanized
- always keep an eye on extremities such as fingers and feet. Break down your movements, visualize the movements and the path to take it from A to B or from position X to Y.
- protect skin from friction, UV rays and chemicals
A few solutions
Choose shaded storage areas instead of direct sunlight. A better location, closed shutters, protective clothing or a plaid are all ways of reducing UV aggression.
Your doll doesn't drink water or use moisturizer or UV protection, so the sun's aggression reduces its life and dries out its TPE or silicone.
Lift rather than rub. As we know and read everywhere, a doll is heavy. The temptation to make it slide rubbing on a sheet is very hard on our vertebrae. Don't do it!
The skeleton is the keystone of your love doll, to break it is to condemn her unless you're a motivated do-it-yourselfer and not too much in love with her (it's harder to repair in that case).
In the vast majority of cases, your doll's skeleton is made up of tubes welded to joints. Too much leverage on these welds and it's a snap. Make sure your levers are consistent, even if it's more physical.
Moving a doll around an apartment or a house is a bit like flying an albatross down a corridor - it's got a big wingspan. Before moving it, visualize the arrival, clear everything in its path, its holiness must pass and no one can stand in its way!
Open doors and position hands so that fingers are not at risk.
All you have to do is look after her feet.
Plan your arrival position from the outset to protect yourself. If you fall, everyone will get hurt, so it's a good idea to accept that you'll lose a little time.
Error #2 Foot bolt adjustment
Right out of the box!
If you've chosen the stand-up option, you'll need to pay particular attention to one point. If you didn't take the stand-up option, RIP, this post can convince you of this strategic error.
The first thing you'll want to do once the doll is in your arms is put her on her feet. But don't do it.
Beforehand make sureto adjust the bolts correctly under her feet. To do this, take your doll out of the cardboard box and lay her down.
Loosen the bolts sufficiently to allow them to take the full weight of your doll.
It's not always obvious, especially when everything has to be uncovered, but your TPE doll's should not be compressed on the floor. It's the bolts that have to bear the load, and ideally the TPE or silicone material should touch, or even "levitate". This way, you'll avoid some poor insect dying under your doll's feet during your three-week summer vacation.
Check regularly. We tend to turn our doll involuntarily on its heels to adjust its standing position. The screws will progressively move in and out of their seats as you perform the same movements over and over again.
Checking periodically will avoid breaking a bolt, or tearing the soles of her feet because they are too far in.
Firm silicone feet
With silicone dolls, it's possible in most cases to opt for harder silicone feet. The idea is to get rid of the unsightly and sometimes injurious screws, to have nice, realistic, solid feet, and to be able to wear stockings without ruining them.
So much for theory. In practice, unless you know exactly what you're doing, the bulk of your love doll's weight is on her heels. In the middle of a heatwave, you've sweated your ass off just to get her out of the shower. So we don't blame you if the feet aren't perfectly positioned.
Still, a hard silicone heel placed a little violently on the floor with a doll weighing 30 kilos or more is almost guaranteed to pierce it within two minutes. At the same time, you had to breathe before collapsing with your heavy doll, which brings us to point number three.
Error #3 Thinking you're Superman
You may be a strong man, but it's still her who's going to give you a hard time in the end. Possibly right from the start. In fact, she's already robbed you of 2,000 bucks in just a few glances, that's how powerful she is.
Forget about "I work out", "I work out", etc ... A silicone or TPE doll is heavy, bulky, fragile and impractical to carry - it's dead weight. So, before you buy a 40 kg doll, go and lift one or two bags of cement for me, and then we'll talk.
To give you an idea, a standard-sized dishwasher weighs around 50 kilos. Can you imagine moving it on a daily basis?
Handling a heavy doll without damage is first and foremost a matter of skill. Gravity center management and nervousness. Feeling flabby? Now's not the time to move it, because taking care of a big one is like stepping into a ring.
Make sure you arrive warmed up, motivated and hydrated, otherwise the little one will knock you out mentally and physically as soon as the box is delivered.
Error #4 Jump on her the first few days
Take the time to prepare the ground with your new host. This advice applies especially for TPE dolls which usually arrive thirsty for oil. Find out more in this post around hydration with oil, which is the water of TPE dolls.
This short text, the source of which is here allows you to imagine what's going on inside the body of your freshly oiled TPE doll. Applying kerosene oil won't deeply moisturize your doll in three days. For our English-speaking friends, here is the translation of this image: The speed at which the body's water reserve is renewed depends on the amount of water ingested: the more a person drinks, the faster the body's water is renewed. For a man who drinks 2L of water a day, a water molecule remains in the body for an average of 10 days, and 99% of the body's water reserve is renewed in 50 days.
To give you an idea, here's a concrete experiment I did on my TPE 6YE Ma(ï)ko doll:
So soon out of the box, the lady will have received around 250 ml of kerosene oil in August 2019.
It's March 2020, eight long months after the TPE stabilized. During this time, the TPE softened without the need for additional oil.
For the record, this doll is in near-perfect condition, even the face make-up is original. She has never suffered any tears, even with intense activity, and that's putting it mildly.
Of course, in the meantime, she'll have received a few thin coats of regular oil as she showers. Pay particular attention to stressed areas such as groins, armpits and especially love holes.
Precautions when leaving the carton
After almost two months in an oil-absorbing cardboard box, in the middle of summer, often crammed into a train, boat or wharehouse, Lady TPE needs oil. Go to the shower, then the first phase of generous moisturizing, don't forget the love holes, but avoid make-up, as the oil blurs it.
Don't hesitate to repeat the operation several times over several days. You've waited two months, you can wait a few more days.
Remember, oiling your doll, especially in the early months, is a bit like brushing your teeth. It only works if you do it regularly. The break-in phase should be gentle, so don't overdo it and lubricate generously.
Error #5 Lubricant fault
You've just spent a considerable amount of money on your sweetheart, so please don't be stingy with a 5-bucks lubricant. Foreplay on a doll starts with filling the love holes you want, and I mean filling.
It doesn't matter if it's a bit overflowing and flops flop. Take care of this hot and humid place that's likely to get you hooked, especially on TPE.
Choose a racing lubricant
Immediately ban all alcohol- and silicone-based lubricants, especially for TPE dolls. Use as much as possible, even on silicone dolls, water-based lubricants.
If, like me, you've had enough of bottles of X or Y well-known brands, and find that the sensations aren't top-notch, then switch to fisting-type lubricants. A good lubricant can literally change everything and reveal your doll's full sexual potential.
Error #6 Going to war without a strategy, love holes
Before sending in the big guns, a little training is in order. Imagine a rubber band stretched to the limit, and you come along with a knife that's not sharp enough to cut it.
Now imagine the same relaxed elastic - it will be difficult to cut, because its elasticity makes it more resilient. This is exactly what happens with your doll's love holes.
If a love hole is wide open and visibly under tension, do not go in, if you do, you run the risk of generating an initial small cut that will eventually grow larger. This applies to both silicone and TPE dolls.
Depending on your love doll's morphology, simply changing the position or inclination of the legs will modify the opening of V or A love hole.
To put it simply:
- if your doll has a wide-spread anus and a tight vagina, you'll choose the latter
- and vice versa
Stand up straight
Obviously, you don't choose to born left or right, but you can at least choose how to introduce yourself.
Putting the love hole under tension, even when tight, because you're leaning too far to the left or right increases the chance of cracks.
With a few consistent positions, a proper TPE maintenance and a few routines, you can still have more than a little fun and let loose, but first ...
Get to know her
Taking care of a doll and playing with her takes time and is not at all natural. At first, it's all frustration: she's too small, too heavy, too cold, and after the first wedding night, it can be a rude awakening.
Taking the time to discover her possibilities, to reasonably test her limits and acquire rigorous routines will save the queen. You'll have plenty of time to gradually ease off as you better understand how to use her properly.
The vast majority of love doll owners have experienced these frustrating situations, and some have gone into a rage right away. Then, after the discomfort, the magic zone appeared, and the miracle happened. The miss turned out to be a great everyday companion and an excellent lover.
The charm has often taken hold beyond what you could even have imagined, the masterpiece shows her face and soothes just because it's there, the story can then begin, you're playing with a doll.
